Stripped of his red clown nose? That’s harsh. If the agency that
Spaniel Smellsberg worked for was anything like the jobs I’ve had in the
past, the cost of that nose was taken out of his paycheck. I’ve had to
buy polo shirts, dress shirts, bowties, t-shirts, and hoodies all with
company logos—the cost deducted out of my first paycheck. That type of
treatment would make anyone want to spill the beans on company secrets.
Spaniel talks the talk about doing what is right for the country, but
being a bad person, I can relate more to the resentment he feels.
Companies can demand so much of their employees and then start taking
money out for this thing and the next. It builds a level of resentment
that adds onto the resentment that one already feels because you’re
spending your best napping hours sitting in front of a computer sifting
through listserv emails. Why do we have to get so many emails? Why is
there that one person who needs to lengthen their email with rhetorical
flourishes thinking they’re amusing? Don’t write about the printer being
broken as if it’s Harry Potter. Lord Voldemort didn’t break the goddamn
printer. IT’S NOT FUNNY, DEBBIE!
Anyway, while I’d never leak company secrets, I do my own thing to
#RESIST. I keep all the crap they make me buy and wear. Then I wear it after
I’ve quit the job. They thought they could make me waste my money, but
naw. I wear it on dates. I wear it to the grocery store. I wear it to
traffic court. People around town are like, “Boy, that UPS Store
employee wearing an American Eagle Outfitters nametag and a movie
theater bowtie sure gets around.” Ha! I don’t even work at those places
anymore. Fooled you! Fight the man.
News: I’m also on Webtoons! It’s a mirror for the
comic. There’s a delay for when a strip goes up there, but if you have
friends who read comics there, tell them to subscribe to my comic! I
really appreciate the support! Find it here
Trivia: The Hobarken Herald used to have a uniform
for many of its employees. This ended when the staff realized the boss
never wears pants. He finds them too constricting!