Everyone loves a good feud, from the Hatfields and the McCoys to Jay-Z and Nas to the President and everyone else. It’s even the premise behind Ryan Murphy’s TV series Feud, which is an anthology series examining a different feud each season. Last season was Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. Who knew that being pissed off at someone could be so fascinating! That’s why I had to introduce a new classic feud at Corgi Boss. It seems like Alma has a relationship to Gloria Steinem not unlike the classic feud between Olivia de Havilland and her sister Joan Fontaine. At one point the two actresses decided the only way to outdo the other was simply to outlive the weaker sibling. Well, I think they did or that might be just my imagination. Anyway, Olivia de Havilland, now 101, was victorious when her sister died in 2013 at the age of 96. How crazy is that?

My Own Angry Dreams

I’m angry all the time as well, so I’m hoping everyone will become fascinated by my feuds (e-mail me Ryan Murphy). My problem is that this anger is not focused enough to become a good feud. I’m always a dilettante when it comes to my fury. I lack what psychologist Angela Duckworth calls grit. Just getting pissed off about what is annoying in the moment and eventually moving on with my love. What a loser, right? It seriously undermines my potential. Misapplying the theories in Duckworth’s book tells me that when it comes to my anger goals, I need sublimate my smaller goals, like finding joy and maintaining relationships, toward the bigger one of generating a buzzworthy feud. Also, I need to have a plan to improve at feuding which includes deliberate practice. Everyday, I must ask myself:

• Did you subtweet your nemesis, preferably with lots of sarcastic gifs?
• Have you composed the sickest burns that could stop a person’s heart?
• Are you exercising and eating right so you can outlive your opponent?

Using such a plan, down the line I could apply for the MacArthur Genius award for feuding. When I win, I’ll only invite my enemies to the ceremony. It’ll make them so jealous.

Trivia: The Hobarken Herald is in a feud with another Hobarken newspaper, The Daily Crier, ever since their editor pranked the boss by shining a laser pointer through the office window!