Here’s some action for you! Pow! Zonk! I love comics that have
exciting fight scenes. I had once toyed with the idea of having one of
the Hobarken Herald’s employees moonlight as a costumed crimefighter,
but given Joe’s performance in this fight… Well, you can see that he
does not have much of a future fighting crime…or debt. ‘
Regarding debt, I think the idea of the leg-breaker enforcing the
repayment of loans is a bit of an antiquated notion that lingers in old
movies. Don’t forget that Rocky Balboa starts as a leg-breaker in the
first movie. You know, before he fought Mr. T and saved America from the
Now we don’t need leg-breakers because we have a debt-based economy!
In the old days, you’d be like, “That guy has a gambling problem. He
keeps taking money out from that loan shark!” These were usually
characters in movies and books that didn’t do well. They’d have their
fingers broken, be forced to leave town, or—if the debt was large
enough—they would be murdered. Lately, we’ve changed our tune regarding
excessive debt. We’re like “You don’t want any debt? What’s your
problem, weirdo? Don’t you want to go to college?”
However, I’d like to suggest that the antiquated loan shark and the
leg-breaker is a truly utopian idea. Yes, they are often villainous
characters in movies and we don’t like being the victims of violence.
Unless, you get off on that, you pervert. However, what if that violence
is the better alternative?
Think of your student loans. You’ll be paying those off for at least
the next ten years. They don’t break your legs, but they will garnish
your wages and ruin your chances of ever getting a nice house or car.
Also, every few years Congress makes it harder to get loan forgiveness.
In fact, I think Sallie Mae is changing their slogan to “The mob will
forgive you before we do.” You may think about getting your education,
buying a house, having some kids, and then killing yourself to escape
the debt once the kids leave the nest—the American dream. However, you
could be wrong if you don’t have federal loans. After death, those
private loans could automatically default and require immediate payment
from your family!
A better option would be to go to a more…erm…private loan officer
that deals strictly in cash. Pay for college and repay it if you can. If
you can’t, pay it back by having your hands broken. You didn’t want to
be a pianist anyway, right? Plus, with free health care, why worry about
a little debt and some broken bones. …oh wait.
Trivia: During the prohibition era, the Hobarken
Herald incurred excessive debt from payroll and operating costs. To cope
with this, the boss’s ancestor ran a number of barkeasies throughout